(All My Single Ladies) Letting Your Guards Up.

So I decided to do something for my single ladies today especially those who have once been in true love. For most of us, our middle name at this point in our lives is "vulnerability". This is also the time when you are exposed to the 50 shades of men God has put on the surface of the earth. (No offense God, all you made was perfect but the devil sneaks in to change your default settings sometimes.)

I mean, if you are within the age bracket of 25 and menopause, you definitely understand the need to be friendlier and go on dates with guys you think have the potential to be le boo. 

A few examples of the demoniacs you will meet are as follows.

The EXample: This is that ex boyfriend who lingers like a (I don't even know the metaphor to use). He is aware that you are single and wants to keep it that way. If not, why does he keep calling you and texting you and starting conversations with " You remember when we used to...." Otolo gbaugbukwagi!!!! Thunder fire ya nyash. Leave me alone. We broke up for a reason. Carry ya sand sand to ya former ex girlfriend's garri. Rubbish!

The Less Than Perfect Circumstance: The ones that fall into this category are many. they are the ones we would readily date... If only they were not in that distant relationship that is hanging by a thread. If only their genotype wasn't AS. If only they were not 20 years older than you are... If only the English was a little better...

Long and short, there is always that one reason that can never be compromised....This is usually the saddest.

The Shoki Master: This is the one that helps devil organize coal for hell fire.  He has a girlfriend o. A very very serious girlfriend. Infact he has engaged her but he still believes that you are his dream come true. His major aim is to dance shoki with your feelings. They are usually smooth and adorable and try to use it as part of their charm. He is the one that sends you a message at that exact time when you are needing some TLC. You will just see a pop up.

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TSM: Hey B.

TSM: wyd?

TSM: Wanna hang?

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Yes I want to to hang...I want to hang you from a ceiling fan till you look like a permanent tongue out smiley. Idiot.

The Enemy With Benefits: This one has most of the qualities  you want in a boo but the cattle (yes i meant cattle)is not ready to settle down. Instead he claims to be a free thinker who believes that y'all can "get down"without necessarily having any emosh going on. He is the one who is quick to say you have drama. Most likely the one that will ask you for nudes. Adorably annoying bastard.

These are just a few of them o... These are the ones that sometimes make you feel like true love will never find you but I have good news for you my sister.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I know sometimes we let our guards down, fall for and make excuses for the above mentioned but I guess that's us just being as flawed as everyone else.

I would like to suggest a few things that can help while we wait for mr Right.

• Love yourself: You cannot give what you do not have. Arm yourself with just enough love before you find someone to pour some out to.
• Find a new muse: This is very important especially if somehow you have become attached to some of the big heads I mentioned earlier. Start a new tv series...Listen to whole music projects. Have more gossip time with your female friends or platonic male friends... Knit. Dance. Just do something godammit!
• Embrace Jesus/Allah: If there is one thing I can tell you that has been tested and proven in all I have written, It would be this. Build your spirituality;whatever it is you believe in. Jesus, Allah or Justin Timberlake. (lol been meaning to use that for a long time now) Get closer to your maker. God will never hurt you, he will never make you feel less of yourself, He will never cheat on you etc. Biko sisteh, hug your Jesus.
• Be Better: Work at becoming better at whatever thing it is you are currently doing. If you are in school, face ya book. If you are working or have a business outfit, channel that unused emotional energy into it and get results.

Time is all it takes. The right one will come along and you will see why you never worked out with anyone else.

All my Love,

Artemis.