The Depth Of Nothingness

This will mess with your mind.
It is straight out of empty...
Breathing is a chore
When it is the only functional thing to do.
No essence whatsoever.
Antidotes. Antidotes.
Antidotes for the healing.
But antidotes are just the numbed version of the poison.
so antidotes mean I am still poison stuffed.
Just in a way that I can live with the poison and not die of it.
Which is then really better, dying of it or living with it?
For eventually, we become the poison.
We then deeply need a saviour but with the knowledge of the fact that we cannot be saved.
Here there is no religion, no culture, no morals, no standards.
Nothingness is the religion. It is the culture. It is the moral. It is the standard.
I'll stop here. 
If this did not make sense to you, congratulations. You have a healthy mind.
If this made sense to you, you are just as messed up as the writer.
I know this messed with your mind.
With love,
From the deepest core of the core of nothingness.

Stinking Shit - Coprophilia featuring Dormant HIV

I am a very selfish person. I know I should really be blogging about trends and not about my inner crab core all the time. Trust me, the trends over the few days that I haven't blogged have been a collage of humour, disgust and sheer debauchery. I will spend the next few lines summarizing one in particular.

The Coprophiliacs: My dear people of God, I know faith generally condemns judging and I am in no way morally shaming anybody because nobody holy pass. But...but...wait. First let us take a look at the dictionary meaning of the word coprophilia. According to Wikipedia, It is the paraphilia involving sexual arousal and pleasure from feces. Sexual pleasure from nsi... Igbe...poopoo my people.
Apparently, some screenshot about a girl negotiating the price for this smelling act went viral on social media. The act was to take place in Dubai. Infact, let me comb the net to bring it to you.

There you have it. See, I have vices. You do too so do not even form but one thing I can tell you is that my vice is still in diapers. Like whaaaaaa? Do not even get me started on the dormant HIV part. Plus I personally think that there was a very useless show of religious hypocrisy. The whole cover your hair with towel or blanket thingy? Go figure.
To be honest, I have no words of advice or encouragement or anything... I am as mentally harassed as you are right now.
I was going to share my disgust about the molestation issue going on in Queens' College but I think this may be a little tough for you to swallow and digest so...till next post.
Like play like play, I don dey do some kind Linda Ikeji post. lol. Just kidding.

Life Is An Overly Ripened Pawpaw (Rest In Peace NoMoreLoss)

What's this life really? Today one is hale and hearty and the next day, one's picture is flooding DPs and TLs with RIP messages. I was all ready to give my 2 cents on this paedophilia issue resting on Queen's College when I heard the very heart wrenching news of NoMoreLoss' demise.
I did not exactly know him personally except for the fact that we followed each other on Twitter but I do know enough to boldly say he was a fairly decent man. He always had uplifting words on his timeline. Yeah I know you'll be like "errrm duhhh, how does that make him decent?" but believe me, sometimes, I am blessed with the ability to see,sniff and filter BS from afar. His style of music also spoke volumes about his character.
For those of you who do not understand my post title, here goes. Pawpaw fruits are quite beautiful on the tree. first coming out as tiny nipples, then grow into huge breast like fruits. First they are green, then they begin to ripen over time. Most of the time, the fruits are plucked before they are fully ripened. Other times, they just keep ripening on the tree and then one random day, it just falls and splatters all over the ground...Unsalvageable.
I pray God grants his family and loved ones the fortitude and solace to bear this huge loss. Only 2 things give me succour with regards to this issue. The fact that I believe that he is in a better place where death can't do nada, and the fact that he has been made immortal through the beautiful music that he left with us. Talk about leaving a place better than you met it. Sigh...
Anyway people, there you have it. You and I are not promised tomorrow so rid yourself of anything or anybody that will make life hard instead of enjoyable for you. Live in a way that if you were to wake up for just a minute in the casket, you will smile and sleep back. Okay I don't even know if that makes any sense but you get my drift. The Lord help us all.
Adieu Olumuyiwa Osinuga NoMoreLoss. Adieu...

Hurt It Out.

"That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt."

-The Fault In Our Stars.

The quote above was gotten from one of my favourite movies of all time, "The Fault In Our Stars".

It's okay, you can judge me for being dark and what not. I am not into statistics and all but whenever my mind decides to do an emotional research (completely based on assumptions), it is never wrong. I personally believe that pain is a stronger emotion than happiness. You must think by now that I have something against happiness considering my previous post about it. I honestly do love to be happy. Infact this blog is a means to happiness.

The truth is that, you can defend what you know and in this case, I think pain and I have come a long way.

I'd like to dissociate this post with any religious faith because our faith most of the time, tell us to be careful of what we believe or profess. This is me not accepting pain as my portion. (I reject it in Jesus Name lmao) This is me writing on an experience.

By now you already know I am not speaking about physically inflicted pain.  Of course physical pain can in turn hurt our feelings but...but...

Okay let me use this analogy. You know when you prefer being beaten by your parent or guardian rather than being verbally crucified? Exactly.

I actually do have a problem with writing this post. When you know too much about something and you have the opportunity to express, you tend to be spilling all over the place. I have decided to generously save you the long read and try to try to try to get straight to the point.

A gazillion things cause emotional hurt. Circumstances, love lost, death, bad decisions, bad decisions (so bad I had to name it twice), relationships or lack of them, bad health etc. The list is actually endless hence the use of the canopy,"circumstances". It does cover a lot.

We especially hurt more when we have a hand in what is making us hurt. I for one; I am the crowned queen of beat-yourself-up kingdom. My brain is so funnily wired that when I am hurt, especially by people, I believe that I let them. I gave them the power. I let them in. I let down my guard. I messed up.

With this kind of mentality, you can definitely tell that when I hurt, I hurt deep and I hurt long. I had an outburst yesterday and I said the words, " Let me hurt it out". It wasn't until this morning that I figured that I may have found the only drug that cures emotional pain. Lol okay whatever but at least give me the credit of coining such a beautiful phrase.

My kind of hurt is like a viral disease. It must see its course through. So, if we now know that whatever is eating your heart out must eat it completely, I guess it is best to dress your demon up in fine apparel. Before now, I'd most of the time fight back,trying to hurt hurt. lol. You can read that again. Trust me, it makes sense. But today, I have come to realise the huge word "Acceptance".

I accept that I let myself be hurt. I accept that I am human and I am allowed a certain number of "stupid" to make bad decisions. (Lord know I have maxed my stupid out. I am probably on "Moron" level right now). I accept that I am a good person yet capable of grievous mistakes. I accept that bad things happen to good people. I accept that the universe is not fair. I accept that John the Baptist didn't deserve to die the way he did, but he was still beheaded anyway. I accept that life will most of the time not make any logical sense. Acceptance. 

Acceptance may just in this case mean forgiving yourself and cutting yourself some slack. Now hurt don't care if you is good,if you is bad or if you done accepted shit.(pardon my ebonics) Ya heart will still pain you and trust me, you see that saying that goes "Time flies when you are having a good time"? Believe me when I say that when you are hurting, time becomes a pregnant snail with prosthetic limbs. So ummmm..

Eat...

Cry...

Punch a wall...

Make childish decisions (it is my childish. leave me alone)

Face God (pain has a way of redirecting you to your faith)

Just do whatever makes you feel good in the interim. (Positive stuff people, positive stuff). Allow the pain take its course and by the end of it all, your once teary eyes will see clearer and discern situations a bit better.

What I have been really trying to say is, let yourself hurt it out...

Be Gentle, It's My First Time.

"It's not like...like I don't like what you are doing." she stuttered as she squirmed like an earthworm under his grip. "It"s just that..." "That what?" he retorted, trying to hide the desperation in his voice but firm enough for her to know he meant business. 
They had been together for close to twenty years now. He watched her grow and mature into a woman and did everything right for her to want him. Memories of him asking her to marry him were the best and the worst of her life. She was barely twenty years at the time and was just as clueless. He was in demand. Everybody wanted him. Everybody; men and women alike. 
Polygamy was definitely not her idea of happiness but it was different with him. He made her feel special. He was with her through the highs and lows. He was a part of every tear, every chuckle, every cringe, every dark moment. He was there. It was no longer in the hands of parental approval. He was not popular amongst parents anyway so that was a long forgotten issue. She took matters into her own hands and agreed to spend the better part of her years with him...
"Babe, it has been six years and I'm not complaining... I swear I am not. I am just curious to know when this will happen...I'm just really curious." He picked up his shirt in subtle frustration. Oh well, he had tons of them waiting in other rooms. But he wanted her...Oh dear, he wanted her so badly.
Just before he could shut the door behind him, one hand fiddling with his buttons, she called out under her breath. "Wait!" He slowly turned around, with facial expressions that were waiting for her long excuses that never made sense to him especially with a saluting ding dong. She stared long and hard at him. A stare so piercing that the crinkled expression on his face started to straighten out. Now, the expression had gone from "oh well whatever" to " okay I hope she is fine".
"Babe, is everything okay? You know I am not upset right?" He walked to the bed and stroked her face. "Anything you want to talk about?"  She kept staring. Tears had started to well up her eyes as she tugged at him slowly. The time had come. She was sure of it. There was really no need for the delay. Her mind was made up. She tried to form the words the first time. She gave up. She tried again. This time, with more bravery. She wiped the tears off her eyes as she said, "Be gentle...It is my first time."


Heyyy guys lol. That dodo of a story that I just fried for you is about my musical journey looool. My Debut musical project drops tomorrow and I am all shades of nervous.  I am not so much of a writer but I will do better next time if I have to pull a fast story on y"all. Do watch out for the project. It is titled Introspect and will be on major musical site so please make sure you support a sisteh. I will do some breakdown of the project on cycloneartemis.blogspot.com so please look out for that.  Thank you for the support! kiss kiss!!!!

Dear Nigerian, You Are A Survivor.

I think my days of not knowing how to swim are over. I definitely got my final lessons last night when I did a flawless breaststroke in the pool of my sweat. Needless to say that the party that happened in my room last night was a success as the mosquitoes kept commenting on how delicious their "Cynthia Kebab" was.

I have heard this saying that if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere. My dear reader, especially my non-Nigerian ones, they lieeeeeeeed. If you can make it in Nigeria, You can live and flourish in Mars.

It has been tough down here since I was born but I think the past 7 years or thereabout have been a living hell. 

From terrorism to lack of power to lawlessness to fluctuating economy to unemployment... The list is actually endless. The recent fuel scarcity is another ball game entirely. I am not a political or social scientist but I know just enough to affirm that everything in this country is topsy-turvy.

I am honestly not here to remind you of your problems. I just want to tell you that if you woke up this morning, ready to face the day;whatever it may bring, with dreams and visions of how to get yourself to a better level without the help of a government, you are a hero. You are brave and you deserve a better Nigeria. A country that will not let you down. A country that will care for you and yours. A country that you will be proud to flaunt its passport. A country that will not give you high blood pressure in your grave when you leave you children and grandchildren in it.

One more thing, remember that it also starts with you. Stay on that queue. Keep that rubbish till you find a bin. Do not honk unnecessarily. Obey the traffic signs. Wear your seatbelt. Do not give that policeman that bribe. These may seem inconsequential but if we all do these little things, they will add up,create visible change and slowly bring us to that New Nigeria that we all badly yearn for. 

Dear Nigerian, you are an unsung hero. You are resilient. You are a survivor.

 In the meantime, have a good laugh looking at the giraffe mouse picture. It is a very funny one but it speaks volumes. 

Life Through The Lens Of Weekdays

I know I promised a BJ mashup of news post today but it seemed really pressing to me to share this post I did for DontDropTheMagazine.com a couple of weeks back. I hope you like it!

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• Monday: The beginning. You are focused.  The ideas look good. Ginger level=150%. You have been armed with a few motivational quotes and that Sunday sermon which you believe was particularly penned down for you… There is no going back now. You have probably posted a few pictures on Insta with the hashtags #OnlyYouCanSTopYou #SlowlyButSurely #GoGetter

• Tuesday: The beginners level frustration has just set in. You can hear whispers…maybe of competition or family and friends who are skeptical of your dream or plan or whatever. Perhaps it is you whispering to yourself; listing all the reasons why you cant get through with your objectives. But of course they are just whispers. Your voice of reasoning still has premium pitch. Acing this level is like the first level of candy crush. Insta Hashtag #IcanDoAllThingsThroughChrist #UnstoppableLikeThat2facealbum #WeMove

• Wednesday: The settings of your current treadmill have just been adjusted to steep. By now all the bible verses you highlighted on Sunday have been flung out the window. You remember those Tuesday whispers? Oh they have grown in decibels. Imagine having a toddler clang cymbals in your ears con.ti.nuous.ly. Now you get the picture. This is usually when the bulk of us hit reverse to the first day. The pressure here is intimidating. A better chunk of the ones who will go through are already bent, old and gray… only waiting to give up the ghost on Thursday. BBM display pictures with black backgrounds or the default image are the most popular for this day. Funnily, this is the last layer of earth to dig before hitting diamond. Hashtag for dropouts: #IfAtFirstYouDontSucceed #DustItAllUpAndTryAgain        Hashtag for sticklers #WhatDoesntKillYouMakesYouStronger

• Thursday: A few more people will drop out of this race by this morning. They did hit diamond, but the process of refining is certainly not one they can or want to deal with. For some, it is financial outage; a very sad one because the spirit is willing but the pocket is not. Don’t get it twisted though. Ginger level for sticklers= what is a ginger? You have by now, decided to accept the clanging cymbals as being instrumental to your success in disguise. Pun Intended. You know it can only get better from here as it cannot get any worse.  Trudging lifelessly holding onto one strand of hope, your hashtag if you even make it to Instagram will most likely  be #itiswhatitis #quittersdontwin

• Friday: I chose to write it in Italics to help communicate the groove associated with this day. You wake up feeling very rejuvenated. You sha did not die. You pulled through and all of a sudden, all the missing pieces of your goal’s puzzle begin to surface and the picture begins to make some sense. Pheeew. Ginger level: 87%. Wednesday and Thursday have taught you not to give anything 100 lol. You already know what to do next to reach your desired level so you are a bit unruffled. The cymbal clanging baby is now tired and is even trying to lend a helping hand. By evening, there is a place for everything and everything in its place in your once disorganized closet of ideas, plan, goal or whatever. Very few things have been proven to give more pleasure than the feeling you have right now. #turndownforwhat #BabaGodNoni #NaGodwin

• Saturday: You have very little care in the world by this morning. Hungover from yesterday’s success, you are laid back as everything is on autopilot. Maybe a few tweaks here and there to make sure that your current cruise never ends. You came, You saw, You conquered. The quest has been tested, trusted and dusted. Your hashtags will experience a tinge of cockiness as you begin to quote some 50 cent. #IfICantDoItHomieItCantBeDone #WeUpInThisBinsh

• Sunday: New week, Fresh goals. You get all dolled up or all G’d up to church to go harvest some new propelling word for your new venture. Your ginger has now forgotten all rules and is back to 150% lool. #OnToTheNextOne #BabaGodPickUpThePhone.

Sometimes, you need to abort mission and go back to the drawing table. Sometimes you need consistency and discipline to see you through. Whatever the case maybe, obey your instincts…so long as it is not blabbing.

Before i drop my pen in the basket of love, (lmao) I have a liru question.

Plix, what day of the week are you on in your current quest or struggle? I am stuck on Wednesday. eeeeeppppp!!!

Keep Holding On...

There are so many fun and weird things in the news that would have made really great posts for today.The chicken that is getting a $2500 prosthetic leg, the pastor who went to form Samson abi Daniel where Lions were jejely staying on their own... So many things in the news to talk about. I'll probably do a DJ mashup tomorrow of all of them or a BJ mashup. Geddit? BJ mashup? Blog jockey duhh lol.
Good to know I can make myself smile at least. Woke up this morning like 1,000,000ft deep into my feelings. I just figured that out of all the 7 billion people in the world, I probably was not the only person feeling this way so I said to myself; "why not write something to make anyone who stumbles upon this feel better?"
You have probably heard these phrases:

When life throws you lemons, make lemonade.
When life shows you pepper, make pepper soup.
When life pours you sand sand, make sandwiches.

Say these to me at the wrong time and I will probably insult your life but the truth is that they carry one simple message. Quitting.Is.Not.An.Option. To be honest, on most days, I feel like I haven't yet found purpose. On some other days, I just feel like God has forgotten me. On a few more days, I just feel like I am floating...not paddling, not refueling,  not restrategizing, just in the middle of the Bermuda triangle waters, in a gaddem dilapidated banana boat, floating. (I don't care if there is no place like that.) On this particular day, I was frustrated to the point of suicide. Only thing I pride myself about that day is the fact that i made up my mind to make beautiful patterns on the wall out of the blood from my slit wrist...I still thought of art. lol. I know you must be thinking I am a psychotic psychopath right now.  Aaaanyway, If you add up all these days of swinging really low, I probably get like one or two days of calm and intrinsic satisfaction in a month. Very very pathetic...I know.
I know we all reach the breaking point in our lives but here are a few truths that I have overtime trained my mind to understand.(sorry I meant still training my mind to understand.)
Someone out there has it worse.
I am not saying be happy that you are better than somebody, I am saying be thankful for the things that are going good. You have life. If you have the mental capacity to process your problems, it means that you are not brain dead lying on one Grey's Anatomy like bed waiting for your organs to be put in a bank.
This Too Shall Pass.
A friend of mine uses a particular phrase that goes "it's not the worst of things". Think back in your life when a situation seemed like nothing could get any worse. Did you not make it out? Did you die?
The same way those past issues worked themselves out, this current situation will pass.

One Day at a Time.

I have this principle called the "dawn to dusk". No matter how bad a problem is, night will still come. This is somewhat an escapist method but who is really keeping tabs? Sometimes, we need to escape from it all. If doing so mentally will help you get through, do it. take every day as it comes and add your quota to the betterment of your situation.

There is a God and you are not him.
Contrary to my one-off beliefs, there is a God. Even if you weren't born into religion, sit down and think of how the earth came to be... let me know when you get confused. Now say with me, There.Is.A.God. I doubt that He would allow you be the winning sperm,the unaborted foetus or the child that did not die at birth if He did not have a definite plan. The Bible says in Jeremiah 29:11"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

This same Bible tells us that God cannot lie so can you stop calling God a liar and let him iron the creases of your life?

Let me not bore you any further. Make sure your conscience is healthy, stay true to what you believe in and trust me, the much anticipated change will come. When there is life, there is hope. Do not despair. Keep holding on.

Day Of The Woman (Ask How Strong She is)

Ask how strong she is...

I'll tell you graphene does not stand a chance.

Ask how strong she is

I'll tell you she'll ridicule the iron of the Eiffel in France

Ask how strong she is

I'll tell you too strong to be defined in a rhyme pattern

A classic work of art God made after he had rested.

I can only imagine what went on his mind.

"Man is in for a lil tough time" he probably jested.

As he created a gem that would remain after all precious stones have been mined.

Ask how strong she is

I'll refer you to the elasticity of her vagina and the elasticity of her heart.

One stretched painfully to let your big head out

the other, always open to let your big head in.

The home maker, the pie baker

The lover, the fighter, the giver

equality this, equality that...I beg to be spared...

I agree that men are awesome, but She is nothing to be compared.

High up in the superlatives

In the tribe of angels, she's a true born native

Ask how strong she is

I'll direct you to her softest core

where her beautiful collage of emotions run deep

a fraction is what tears wash ashore

Ask how strong she is

I'll say you know what, forget it.

I could write you a bible and you still wont get it.

Ask how strong she is...

I'll tell you graphene does not stand a chance.

Ask how strong she is

I'll tell you she'll ridicule the iron of the Eiffel in France

Ask how strong she is

I'll tell you too strong to be defined in a rhyme pattern...

A standing ovation for this supernatural superhuman

because every single passing day is the Day Of The Woman...

(All My Single Ladies) Letting Your Guards Up.

So I decided to do something for my single ladies today especially those who have once been in true love. For most of us, our middle name at this point in our lives is "vulnerability". This is also the time when you are exposed to the 50 shades of men God has put on the surface of the earth. (No offense God, all you made was perfect but the devil sneaks in to change your default settings sometimes.)

I mean, if you are within the age bracket of 25 and menopause, you definitely understand the need to be friendlier and go on dates with guys you think have the potential to be le boo. 

A few examples of the demoniacs you will meet are as follows.

The EXample: This is that ex boyfriend who lingers like a (I don't even know the metaphor to use). He is aware that you are single and wants to keep it that way. If not, why does he keep calling you and texting you and starting conversations with " You remember when we used to...." Otolo gbaugbukwagi!!!! Thunder fire ya nyash. Leave me alone. We broke up for a reason. Carry ya sand sand to ya former ex girlfriend's garri. Rubbish!

The Less Than Perfect Circumstance: The ones that fall into this category are many. they are the ones we would readily date... If only they were not in that distant relationship that is hanging by a thread. If only their genotype wasn't AS. If only they were not 20 years older than you are... If only the English was a little better...

Long and short, there is always that one reason that can never be compromised....This is usually the saddest.

The Shoki Master: This is the one that helps devil organize coal for hell fire.  He has a girlfriend o. A very very serious girlfriend. Infact he has engaged her but he still believes that you are his dream come true. His major aim is to dance shoki with your feelings. They are usually smooth and adorable and try to use it as part of their charm. He is the one that sends you a message at that exact time when you are needing some TLC. You will just see a pop up.

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TSM: Hey B.

TSM: wyd?

TSM: Wanna hang?

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Yes I want to to hang...I want to hang you from a ceiling fan till you look like a permanent tongue out smiley. Idiot.

The Enemy With Benefits: This one has most of the qualities  you want in a boo but the cattle (yes i meant cattle)is not ready to settle down. Instead he claims to be a free thinker who believes that y'all can "get down"without necessarily having any emosh going on. He is the one who is quick to say you have drama. Most likely the one that will ask you for nudes. Adorably annoying bastard.

These are just a few of them o... These are the ones that sometimes make you feel like true love will never find you but I have good news for you my sister.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I know sometimes we let our guards down, fall for and make excuses for the above mentioned but I guess that's us just being as flawed as everyone else.

I would like to suggest a few things that can help while we wait for mr Right.

• Love yourself: You cannot give what you do not have. Arm yourself with just enough love before you find someone to pour some out to.
• Find a new muse: This is very important especially if somehow you have become attached to some of the big heads I mentioned earlier. Start a new tv series...Listen to whole music projects. Have more gossip time with your female friends or platonic male friends... Knit. Dance. Just do something godammit!
• Embrace Jesus/Allah: If there is one thing I can tell you that has been tested and proven in all I have written, It would be this. Build your spirituality;whatever it is you believe in. Jesus, Allah or Justin Timberlake. (lol been meaning to use that for a long time now) Get closer to your maker. God will never hurt you, he will never make you feel less of yourself, He will never cheat on you etc. Biko sisteh, hug your Jesus.
• Be Better: Work at becoming better at whatever thing it is you are currently doing. If you are in school, face ya book. If you are working or have a business outfit, channel that unused emotional energy into it and get results.

Time is all it takes. The right one will come along and you will see why you never worked out with anyone else.

All my Love,

Artemis.

The Unexpressed Thought.

"Three quarters of our thoughts will remain unsaid"
-Cynthia Atagbuzia


I know what you are thinking. "Did she just frigging quote herself?" Well I did and I hope one day someone else will. loool.
I will be adhering to the K.I.S.S. method of writing today; Keeping It Shortly Simple.
Now imagine that you had to express every single thought in your head.


I left that space for your imagination...
If I did, I would be:
Parentless- I love my mum so much but sometimes when she is being an excellent mum,(translated as old school bad mum in teenage lingo)I have bad thoughts and if I expressed them I would probably have been disowned. Oh so you want to lie that you haven't had such thoughts abi? In Patience Jonathan's voice, Continuuu.

Lifeless - First I will like to give a shout out to God... You see all the thoughts going on in every one's mind, he knows them, keeps tabs on them and schedules them sometimes. This is not even a case of expression because someone other than me knows them... let me just say that if I had a penny for every time I thought of taking my life or wishing death upon myself, I'd be able to afford a dress for the party I am attending tonight. Thank you God for not taking those thoughts seriously.

A Murderer- Lord knows...Lord knows that I have stabbed and bludgeoned humans in my mind. I have lifted containers up and dropped it on their %&$@# heads. Pardon my Lil Wayne. I have injected humans with lethal substances that haven't been chemically invented. You do not even know the half of it.

Moraless- Please pardon my "e no fit dey for dictionary laye laye" word. These are the stumbling blocks of expression. I know the word is immoral but this one explains it how I feel it. Now I am not saying that my morality is on point o... In fact, it is very far but one thing I am very popular for is embracing the "average ribbon". I try... I really do try. Its just that on some days, I just wish that I was packing my bags to Dubai to go and copulate with one Sheik and come back to Nigeria with plenty money and build house and buy car. I need not tell you that these thoughts have remained thoughts because I am still carless and moneyless. Now that is just an idea of some of the "devil planted,watered and pruned" thoughts that happen in this head of mine.

You can add jobless, friendless, familyless etc to the list.I could go on and on but I'll stop here. You totally have a picture of what I am saying. What is the whole point of this? Expression has been the factor used to judge behavior. People can think highly of us from pretentious actions without knowing the vile things going on in our medula. This just goes to prove that to a great extent, human beings can control the expression of their thoughts. the problem and question is; how long?
How long has that serial killer nurtured the thoughts of gruesome murder?
I really think the effort should be in controlling those thoughts. Do not get me wrong. They.Will.Come. But I think reprimanding ourselves help to rewire the mind as to what thoughts are unhealthy and should not be acted upon.
I get through vile thoughts by actually talking out loud and jokingly cautioning myself. I make myself understand that the thought is just a product of a temporary circumstance and is temporary too in itself.
Do not forget that your true personality is who you are when no one is looking. In this case, you are truly the thoughts you nurture and not the staged act your life is currently mirroring because even the bible says that as a man thinketh in his heart, so he is.
Oh snap! I said I would employ the KISS method. ehhnn well, let us just call this one a French kiss *covers face*.

The Wild Goose Chase of Happiness

I once heard them say that yellow is the colour associated with happiness... Writing this in yellow is actually making me sick. I am sure you feel sick reading it too so i'll just...
Sweet relief. Black is actually my favourite colour. I hope it is not associated with sadness and a dark core. I have decided to make my blog look like a children's story book. Large fonts, pictures, colours etc. That is the only way to get me to read anything anyway so I figured you might like the idea too.
Ever since I was a little girl, I have always craved for happiness. That inner feeling where everything feels so good and nice and bubbly and fuzzy and warm and beautiful and complete and just...
Back then, very few things were needed to attain this high.

• Food,
• Friends, (not the snitch ones who left me to play with the others) (yes I have been petty since childhood)
• School (or lack of it)
• Family (pretty much my mum at the time)
• TV (childhood narcotic)
• Sleep

I then grew up and happiness meant an entirely different thing.

• Food (You can tell that is a constant)
• My Mother (When she is happy)
• Relationships (family, friends, boyfriend(on the days I have one and we are not quarreling)colleagues etc) 
• God (on the very few days I am not guilty of screw ups)
• Paid Bills (Rent, Etc etc)
• Music
• Music (so nice I had to put it twice)
• Financial security (a stable job or source of income)
• Electricity (Nigerians know what I mean)
• Partying and dancing. (Judge me if you like)
• A few other things i will like to not mention in case my mum reads my blog.
• Purpose (on the days when I feel like I am on the right path.

This list may differ for you but think about it... have you not been betrayed by this self righteous emotion called happiness?
An emotion that is so sly that its causatives feel the need to change every gaddem time...
Feels like trying to get a grip of a live catfish or an eel or even air in motion.
That is how teasing and fickle and euphoric and sweet; yet so sour and beautiful ;yet so ugly and deceptive and exhausting happiness is.

I have a feeling that at a point in my life when I am 115 years old and toothless and beautifully diseased with Alzheimer's or dementia, happiness will probably be

• Food 
• Death (or the anticipation of it)

I strongly believe that this is a pure case of double standards. Without us humans, happiness would probably not have anyone to torment. I hereby move a motion for us to not let happiness dictate its criteria to us. Let us by ourselves decide what makes us happy. Let us decide to have happiness with us always and not to be measured by events, substances,functions and even other humans.
 In better put words, make happiness your bitch. You own it. You feed it when you want,you walk it when you want, you just...


Disclaimer: This post might not make sense to you now... but it will when Happiness pulls a fast one on you.