Letter To My Next (As Inspired By Osikhena Dirisu)

So a few days ago, a certain letter written by the famous Beat Fm OAP Osikhena Dirisu pretty much broke Nigerian Twitter. To be honest, I shed a little tear as he described his emotions, flaws and all in a collage of amazing and carefully chosen words. I mean, I have always perceived Osi to be an Edo Demon (judging from stories I heard back in University Of Benin)but he did change my perception completely with this piece as I could see through his beautiful soul's yearning for true love. Enough of my adoration. See the letter for yourself.

Images from @osi_suave on Twitter

*Opens new roll of tissue* Tell me that those words did not touch the base of your feelings. I was however inspired deeply to write one myself so here goes.

-----------------------------

Dear future boyfriend,

It will interest you to know that you are my last bus stop. Please do not try to ask me out if this is not part of your plan because if you are not tired of this singu pringu (single pringle) life, me I am.

I spend sleepless nights wondering; when will you push my groceries to fall at Shoprite so we can make eye contact when we bend to pick them up? Or are you probably going to slightly jam me with your G-Wagon so that you can rush down in slow motion to save me? Lmao okay enough of my Nollywood inspired scenes but I spend nights wondering when, where and how I'll meet you. Will it be memorable? Have I already met you? Was it memorable?

I will like to believe that the sole purpose of your existence is to meet me and marry me because I believe that God has armed you with spiritual super glue to mend my broken soul, heart and spirit.

I hope you like amusement parks because I am a roller coaster ride of beautiful and ugly emotions. Sometimes I freak out at the fact that you may not be able to handle it but I reassure myself knowing that God got the exact measurement of my excesses and built your tolerance and acceptance level to match.

I enjoy tiny quarrels so that I can look forward to us making up. Yeah, I am weird like that and I have no fear that your weird fits my weird perfectly.

I want to love you and I want you to love me back. I am talking "still kiss me passionately in the morning when I am 50 and distraught with mid-life crisis" typa love. I am talking "still ask me out when we are beautifully struck with dementia at age 99" typa love.

Truth is, there is so much I want to tell you. if I met you today, I would probably fall into your arms and cry hard. You may not know the beauty of the immediate past lines but I shall describe it by directly jacking Osi's words. I want to be vulnerable with you and know that you will guard my vulnerability and insecurities and fears with your life.

I want to be able to go up and down looking for people's trouble knowing that if you show up, you will shun them first before addressing my misdemeanor at home. As unconventional and as disturbing as this might sound, when you marry me, you will be automatically marrying my mum. I am the only child of a single superwoman who literally traded it all for me. Do not worry, she will not be in the way of our marriage and I pray she loves you senseless.

We'll talk babies when we start dating. Just bear in mind that my mother is expecting 5 grandchildren lmao. If 2 is okay by you, 2 is just fine by me.

I hope you love music with emphasis on Hiphop. I hope you are fun and love to party even if it is just you and I in the centre of our living room. I hope you are as excited to meet me as I am to meet you.

Yours in the future,

Cynthia Atagbuzia.

P.S.

Please come quick because this money I am dashing landlord in the name of rent as a spinster is peppering my soul. 

And The Award for The Saddest Word Goes to Goodbye...

This post is very personal to me but owing to the lack of a send-forth party or a decent goodbye gift, I decided to whip up a post about it.
So today is the last day of work for one of my colleagues as he has decided to move on to greener pastures without me lol.
I remember the day first day I saw him and I said to myself, " Oh well, not so bad looking but what is with the damn afro?" This friend of mine hates the barbershop so much that he would rather look like a 1960 throwback picture than get a haircut.
Anyway, I have chosen to use this medium to appreciate his friendship over the few months since I resumed this current place of work.

"Hello small head,
I know you are excited that I am writing about you on the internet. You can stop smiling now lol.  I obviously am too broke to throw you a send forth party or buy  a goodbye gift but I shall use the following lines as my cool excuse.
A party ends...gifts will wear and tear (except of course it is diamond) but the internet will most likely last forever...So will this post and the words in it. You better print it o in case the world wide web crashes.
I know we fight a lot and have completely different ways of understanding and processing things but I will forever be thankful for the times that you made my dark world a little brighter. Don't get it twisted o, there are some days when I want to rip your head off and play football with it. lool.
I'll miss insulting your Young Thug playlist on our way to work. I'll miss the long convos over the office intercom. I'll definitely miss the soft drinks you bring for me even though you haven't done so in a pretty long while* roll my eyes*. Thinking of the fact that I shall never get free rides to work again makes me cringe though. Who will I rant to on the way to work? Definitely not the okada man (motor bike rider). Who will I share my paranoia over lateness and life in general with? Who will I share new music with? Who will insult my favourite songs? Who will I have petty quarrels with in the office? Who will I share office gossip with?
I guess what I am trying to say is that I shall deeply miss you. okay I need to stop writing this like you still don't live 10 houses away from me even though that will change soon too. Sigh. I will miss you dear office best friend. You keep saying to me that you met me for a reason and I know you may not believe this but I actually do agree with you.
Most importantly, thank you for the memories...In the end, that is all that really matters. Thank you for your kindness even on the days when I least deserve it. Thank you Kome Hermans Efenudu. I wish you all the best in your new place of work and I pray that people will show you kindness the way you have shown me.
And oh, thanks for being an ardent reader and contributor of my blog too. God bless you.

Sniff sniff,
Cynthia."
PS: That is not my real face. -_-

Managing Depression.

Image from confusedconfuser.wordpress.com

So the whole episode  of Tiwa Savage's hubby Tee Billz being suicidal has finally pushed me to writing about this depression issue. I know I may have hinted in a few posts that I am currently battling with depression. Matter of fact, I have been having issues with it since May 2nd 2015. Yeah, bad enough for me to realize the day it started.

Unfortunately, if you are a Nigerian, you will understand that our "culture" has not yet identified and understood this monster called depression as a big deal; hence very few cases of proper evaluation and medical attention.

I can tell you first hand that it is not even a joking sturvs. it is real and causes people to think about ending their lives daily. I have tried to manage my predicament over the past year by myself since trying to handle it medically is either a myth in Nigeria or an enemy to my pocket. I have then decide to share a few of the ways I adopted and I sincerely hope it would help somebody out there somehow.

• Express your hurt: This is usually my first go to. Channel out the frustration through your most convenient means. Crying, writing, singing, punching a wall or breaking something(please make sure what you are breaking is ya own and is of inconsequential value oo) drawing, talking to yourself, pacing etc. Trust me, most of my most precious and creative works were love children of depression. The only expression not accepted are the ones that would hurt you or someone else physically. No thinking of slitting of wrists or body parts or another human being or thinking of jumping off a bridge. Life is worth living my dear friend.
• Keep the bad thoughts as just thoughts: I know what I am writing is the hardest way to deal with what you are feeling. I know first hand that it is easier written than done but you will get by. Trust me on this one. So when  you think of taking your own life, let it live and die as a thought. Fight the urge to take action on negative things that pop up in your head. The regret that comes with the bad actions will hurt you more than what you are going through... And when the bad thoughts go, hang on to the good ones like your life depends on it.
• Give time the chance to heal you: This will be the hardest phrase to digest because for you right now, time is a pregnant snail with a limp. Don't worry. The most important thing is that it is moving and one day...maybe not today or tomorrow but one day, it will all be a thing of the past.Time heals every and anything. Whenever it seems like there is nothing to hold on to, you are probably wrong. There is definitely a phase in the future that will feel much better than right now. so keep these words in your heart. This.Too.Shall.Pass.
• Find a confidant: Some levels of depression make you feel like if you open up your  struggles to people, they might taunt you, might not understand you, might misinterpret your emotions or even make light of your situation. Your fear is valid but believe me, one of the best ways to heal is to share how you feel in details with someone who will handle your emotions like it really is:fragile. The best people to bare your issues to are those who have either been through what you are currently going through and have come out on the sunny side or those who through a tested commitment of friendship will be there for you no matter what. Find someone who even when you have not yet opened your lips to speak, already understands that what you need is a hug and assurance and not judgement. 
• Weigh the issue without bias: Although I know some people's depression are caused by really horrible things, some depressions too are caused by the flimsiest of things. I will not enumerate instances because what may be coal to me is someone else's diamond. I do have a standard measurement question that you can ask though. " Will it matter in 1 year?" Trust me, anything that will not matter in the next few months or years should be allocated the most minimal mourning period. You will be just fine.
• Indulge: Indulge responsibly,positively and constructively with regards to hobbies, habits and food. Emphasis on "responsibly,positively and constructively" o before you look like a round ball and say it is Cynthia that said you should eat your sorrows away lol. Jokes apart, go crazy once in a while like doing stuff that will make you not feel your face. Drink a little if alcohol is your thing. Dance a lottle lol if there is any word like that. Indulgence can be the fast forward button on time's remote control.
• Forgive: Some depressions leave us feeling a certain way towards someone or something that we feel may have contributed greatly to how we feel. Sometimes too, this person is us. It is totally healthy to be mad and to boil and feel like you will never stand the sight of this person or thing ever again. My question is, how long? How long will you give someone the right to make you feel bad? How long will you beat yourself up for being human; no matter how grave the mistake you made is or was? At some point, let it go. I know this sounds like the hardest thing ever to do but the jailer is just as caged as the prisoner so release whoever or whatever from your spirit and mental space. You will be surprised at what beautiful things life can throw at you to fill that space up.
• Pray:  I may have not exhausted all the possible ways to manage depression but if I did 100 more posts about it, this bullet point will be the recurrent one. Pray... to whoever you believe in...Jesus, Mohammed or Justin Timberlake. Just pray. There are so many things we may never understand but prayer has evidently helped millions of people. Me inclusive. Don't get me wrong;8 times out of 10 I am probably fighting with God but you see the remaining 2 times that I am not, He gets me completely and forgives me for all those 8 times. Even if He is not acting instantly and drawing you out of the abyss of negative emotions, He is listening and plotting a way for you to make it out.

I hope this helps. I pray that you heal wholly, completely and that one day you will absorb the essence of a sunny day on a depression free mind.

Clearly Clairvoyant.

Image from www.mapmypix.com

It is my utmost pleasure to announce to you all that I can see the future!!! Lol okay maybe it is not as it seems but for a while, I suspected that what I jokingly called my "psychic powers" may actually be a real thing.
Some of you may have experienced your night dreams materialize in reality. For most people, it is a once in a lifetime experience. For some, it is an occasional one while for a few it is an ongoing thing. If you fall under the occasional and ongoing category, well congrats! You are clearly clairvoyant! (Pardon my corniness.It just had a nice ring to it. lmao)
Most of you are probably like, which one is clairvoyant again? Let me put you out of the misery quicker than Wikipedia did for me. According to my Wordnet Online Dictionary, "Clairvoyant" means "Perceiving things beyond the natural range of senses. Foreseeing the future". Wikipedia further explains that there are 3 categories in which this paranormal essence is experienced.

Precognition (ability to perceive something that has not yet happened)
Retrocognition (Ability to perceive something that happened in the past)
Remote Viewing (Ability to perceive something happening in real time while not being in the same space)
Now there are quite a number of ways through which this perception can happen. In a trance, a dream, conjured by witchcraft e.t.c. In fact I shall like to not go into details being that witch craft has popped up lol. Anyway, clairvoyance has been attributed to sorcery and the likes but I do believe that some people are naturally blessed with it. The following points are a few of my own experiences which I just figured are mostly precognition.

• In  2011, I had a dream that armed robbers attacked my house. The very next day, they did but luckily, I was the only one awake and I noticed their shadows by my window. I crawled out of bed and went to my uncle's room. He set his car alarm off from inside the house and they somehow ran away. Below is a picture of how they made it into the compound.

• Sometime in 2013,  I dreamt that one of the caterers at my workplace died in a fire. I said a prayer the next day and also went ahead to tell her. Later in the day, she lit a match to put on the gas stove not knowing that the gas had been leaking out for a bit. There was a huge explosion but thankfully nothing happened to her.
• In 2013 also, I was searching for a new apartment. I got a very good deal very close to a beach and I was a tad excited. I dreamt that night of sea animals going in and out of my house only for me to find out the next day that the deal was so juicy because the beach usually overflowed and flooded the place. At this point, I noticed my gift and purposely asked to see the house I was going to live in in a dream. I slept and dreamt of a house with an unusually big kitchen. Oh well let us just say that for my current one room apartment, I have an unusually big kitchen lol.
• In 2014, my ex was teaching me to drive. I dreamt that I pressed down the throttle too hard thinking it was the brakes and sped across the road without looking. Luckily nothing happened to us in the dream. The next day, I was driving and we saw his friend. I stopped the car to swoon about the fact that I was driving. For some reason, my ex put the gear on neutral while I was still gisting. Out of excitement, I stepped on the throttle hard and the car only revved. Imagine what would have happened if he did not remove the gear from drive.
• Fast forward to this morning, yes I mean this morning. I dreamt that robbers attacked my father's house. For some reason, I hid my smartphone and held on to my regular Nokia just in case they were going to ask for my phone. I woke up while the robbery was ongoing. I prayed and went about my business for the day only for me to get to work to find out that my Nokia phone had been stolen from my bag while I was riding the bus.

Anyway, apart from the fact that I am super sad that my phone was stolen, I am kind of relieved that I have regained my clairvoyance because somehow, I felt it leave me. I am glad that I can at least perceive evil and avert it through faith. Apologies for the long read my darlings.

This Scary Thing Called Marriage.

The next few photos you are going to see, left my jaw on the ground for a couple of good minutes. I see things like this and I wonder to myself: Will I ever get married? Will I be able to spin the bull crap that comes with this institution into manure? Will I spend the rest of my life managing another human being just because society and my faith frowns at divorce? Will I not get tired of a life long bond ( being that I am an Olympic medalist in this tiring field)?
Is marriage not overrated? Why is polygamy/bigamy not legal or not so much of a cultural vice? Is marriage my destiny? Why are open marriages not popular on this side of the world?  Will I be pushed to the wall as to stabbing my husband in his sleep?
You probably think I am a psycho asking these questions and I may have just ruined my chance at a happy marriage with one of my readers lol. Jokes apart though, owing to the fact that I am in my late 20s, the natural pressure to be hitched is something I am faced with every minute. Only problem is the fear that comes with it is just as robust as the pressure.
If there is one thing I fear the most with regards to marriage, it would be cheating. I mean it has got to be as I cannot call it quits or waltz out as I would do a regular boyfriend/girlfriend scenario. I cannot cuss you out as much as I would want to because society defines that as not being "submissive". In fact let me not talk too much. Take a look at these cuts below:

Images from @subdeliverman on Twitter

Dear people of God, you see that overreaction from the wife, I cannot categorically tell you that I won't do the same. I think we have actually missed the whole point of the word "wife".  I think what set my head on fire the most is his last sentence. Really??? The crashing line you could come up with is that you are not the first to cheat??? I had no idea there was a compulsory cheating men census going on. Maybe we did not get the memo.

I will leave this open ended... Maybe she over reacted and as the popular saying goes, when the offended overreacts, the offender becomes the offended. I personally think that men should embrace the 21st century by sitting down and really evaluating what they want in a marriage because clearly the man in the above, he gets turned on by what Nigerians call "Ekaette"(slang for maid/nanny). 

Characterised.

If there was a character from your favourite TV show that you believe replicates the essence of who you are, who would it be? Of course it would be totally impossible to have the exact same traits as the person but you identify with the most predominant ones sometimes. In the history of the very few TV shows that I have seen and even fewer that I have liked, I did find a couple of people who somewhat mirror me. I try not to take it too seriously so I don't find myself pretending to be in a soap opera in the face of actual reality but I must confess that being able to interpret these characters have helped me learn and unlearn a lot of things about myself.
I think my first identification started with the famous teenage sensation series "One Tree Hill". Although I did not quite start following it when it was running, I did get hooked on it while I was in the university and it instantly became one of my favourite TV shows yet. I need not go into the synopsis of the show but if you are interested, you can run a search on it and I promise you wont be disappointed.
Peyton Sawyer was the first ever character I associated myself with. She was always broody, the odds were always never in her favour and she did suffer quite a lot of heartache trying to please people's emotions and leaving hers to roast in the back burner. One thing though that made this splitting description of me easy to bear was that she was a good person.,. Lol if I don't blow my horn,who will?

Hilarie Burton (Peyton Sawyer in One Tree Hill)

Image from www.fanpop.com

Another character that I believe I feel I share certain traits with is Meredith Grey of Grey's Anatomy. If you know me, you probably already know that is my favourite TV show of all time. Infact I have said I will force my kids to watch it even if by then they would probably call it outdated. God helps anyone of them that talks smack about my darling Grey's lol. 

Meredith was a good person although slightly more flawed than Peyton. She was also a classic example of a broody and her roller coaster emotions have got to be one of biggest the similarities I share with her.

Ellen Pompeo (Meredith Grey in Grey's Anatomy)

image from www.pinterest.com

Both Peyton and Meredith found love except that it took Peyton forever to be with her's and death took Meredith's own love. God knows the only similarity I want here is finding the love. Not losing it or almost losing myself while trying to. These two girls have got to be my most favourite people in the world of TV shows. 

Who do you identify with most?

Carpe Diem Dominus (Seize The Day Lord)

The day I saw this phrase, I fell in love instantly. I am not like the most religious person around but I do make a constant daily effort to keep in touch with my faith. Ever sat down to wonder why there are so many divisions and denominations with regards to religion? It confuses me too. However, what we all seem to have in common is the acceptance of a higher force. No matter what you believe in, Jesus, Mohammed or Justin Timberlake, we all somehow meet at a point where we believe that there is a God. Okay except for agnostics and atheists. I sometimes believe that even them in the richness of their conviction, when they see or hear about the stars and galaxies, how a baby forms in the womb, how a plant grows into a gigantic tree, how water is really water, how space and the planets and every weird thing functions, they probably sometimes believe in a supernatural control.
Pardon my next attempt to be poetic but...

Whether its January or its May
Whether the future is now or it is in delay
Whether afloat in luxury or buried in filth and decay,
Oh Lord, seize the day.

You are probably thinking... Was that really necessary? Oh well, it is for me because even if sometimes I am knee deep in the mystery of life and being, I tell myself that I'd rather be caught unawares in belief and faith than to be caught in nothing at all so...

Whether you are straight, bisexual or gay
Whether you are tall short, or somewhere halfway,
Whether you are forever happy or doomed in dismay,
Ask the Lord to seize the day.

1111.11.0

"This is going to be more difficult to decipher than the hieroglyphs to Non Egyptians.  If you can decipher the title of this post which is significant to today's date, then keep reading.
Today is the day that celebrates the tool that makes you see life in HD..
Its like a trip to a 7D animation kiosk.
Where sideline reality makes it to the front row.
Nothing has given much more clarity. I'll stop here.  That's as much as I can share but best believe if we all focus our energy simultaneously to the centre, we can lift the world"
(Call me Cynthia's anon friend)
***********************************
Okay guys, due to my utterly tightly scheduled day, a friend of mine opted to help write a piece for my blog. He claims today is a sacred day but will not tell me why. So if you are reading this and understand the above quoted, do kindly shed some light.

Wizkid's Gbedu With Linda Ikeji is truly Final.

Lmao!!! This is probably my first post using the Blogger app but Lord knows I couldn't resist the urge to write this. Pardon my post title. I couldn't resist that urge either.
So I get home and I am surfing Twitter, only for me to come accross the above picture. I shall break this down to my non Nigerian readers.
Now the younger person pictured in the above photo is a very popular and talented Nigerian Artiste named Wizkid. He had a rift with a very popular Nigerian blogger called Linda Ikeji. Some news about Wizkid losing his home went  viral a couple of weeks back and it was first released on Linda Ikeji's blog. Wizkid who I guess was hurt either by the truth or the lack of it in the story decided to clap back by posting some negative things about Linda, calling her privates smelly and said he would order his young cousin to beat her up.
After a few back and forths, Linda decided to report Wizkid's seeming threat to the Commissioner of Police. News went around that he was summoned and had refused to show up. Oh well, today, infact a few hours ago, Wizzy baby decided to post this picture with him posing side by side with the said Commissioner of Police. He even added to the caption "Police is your friend". If this is not hilarious, I dont even know what is.
I on the other hand am dying to know how his visit to the Police truly went other than this photo session because Lord knows I am trying not to show my Olympic worthy long jump skills, conclusion wise.

The links below will give you a better insight on how far these guys have come with regards to this issue.

http://www.36ng.com.ng/2016/04/03/all-the-bad-things-wizkid-wrote-about-linda-ikeji-will-leave-your-mouth-opened/

http://www.36ng.com.ng/2016/04/03/linda-ikeji-fires-back-at-little-wizkid-reveals-his-porsche-car-he-flaunts-was-gotten-on-higher-purchase/

http://www.36ng.com.ng/2016/04/03/wizkid-says-linda-ikeji-needs-prayers-for-being-single-at-almost-40-reveals-he-just-bought-his-mom-a-house/

It's The Little Things.

Image from quotesgram.com

It is the little things in life that make it all matter.  That little "Thank you", that little "I'm sorry", that little action of help, that little piece that gives clarity to a gigantic puzzle. It is also the little things that make it all crumble. That little prick that can cause a huge balloon to burst. That little "No" that can change someone's life negatively; sometimes forever.

Okay enough of my yapping. You probably already get it. The idea of this post is how little things can totally mess you up if you give it the power to and I have a great analogy to go with it.

I had two functions this past weekend. One, a bridal shower and the other a musical concert. Both on the same day and very very important. I also need to mention that my week ended in quite an anticlimax so my weekend started in a not so interesting fashion.  Did I also mention that I have been battling depression for almost a year? Story for another post. Anyway, by that Saturday morning, I was quite messed up.  First because I had gotten the worst bridal shower gift ever in the history of bridal showers with the exact same amount I would have used to get something quite decent. Let us not even go the route of my bank account. Secondly, my hair was 700 shades of shabby and I had very limited cash as I only had money in an account I did not have a debit card for. 

In all honesty, I pride myself for self control over my emotions because the Cynthia of last 4 months would have started contemplating suicide. Okay let me not pride myself yet. Anyway, I tried to have a tiny beam of optimism in my pessimistic outlook. I had planned to try to make sure my hairdo would fit my budget (One of my friends said I looked like a deformed Unicorn when she saw my hair later that night). Lol. Moving on, transportation to the venues of my engagement was also a big issue as I am still waiting for God to pick his call  on my car matter. I was in a little bit of luck because the account I had money in is affiliated to my Uber account. Let's not even go to my bank account matter. The truth is, I had to be at my functions because they were ultra important: end of story. So transportation was painfully sorted out. I decided to pick out the outfit for the day as the bridal shower had a black dress and running shoes related theme.  I really need you to see how I have been able to keep all the issues that were tempting my emotional demons under control. Black dress: check. Wedge sneakers: check. Fish nets (oh yeah I had to add a little bit of kinky) : check. Neckpiece: check. My favourite loop earrings:-------

I suddenly couldn't find the loudest piece of ear jewellry in my jewellry bag and box. If you know me very well, you definitely will understand that loop earrings are bae. Convenient, chic, and it fits whatever unicorn hairstyle you have on. You should understand that even as inconsequential and as little as these earrings were, in the sense that I could have easily replaced them with another set of slightly old loop earrings, it was that little effort that was needed to tear my world apart.

Oh Lord, I cried. I wailed. I screamed. Everything suddenly stopped making sense. I remembered every little thing that was wrong with my life (which was everything at that particular moment). I honestly wanted it all to end. Why would my earrings not be available when I needed them to be? Who cares if it is not the only one I have. Those were the particular ones I wanted. By this time my people, my clothes were all on the floor, my jewellry were scattered all over, my bed was overturned, in short, my room was the exact spelling of mayhem.

I'm sure by now you all know the exact problem were not the earrings. It just served as a gateway to all the stuff I had compressed and suppressed over time. Fast forward to about 1 bucketful of tears and a teary nap later, I decided to put myself together. Good news is that I made my hair, got to the bridal shower before the bride and made it to the concert afterwards. Although I was a little late to the show, I could hardly remember my painful ordeal earlier in the day as many hugs, smiles and of course the good music all soothed my aching soul.

We see people go about their daily activities without the slightest idea of what they go through in their private space. I guess the moral of this story is to invest in the little things that can brighten someone else's day and to be sensitive enough to stay away from the little things that could hurt their feelings. Trust me, it's mostly the little things.

And yeah, I eventually wore my other loop earrings as I remembered that I forgot my favourite ones on a film set I was on the past weekend, Rest in peace loopy...Rest in peace.

The Bubble...

Image from 7-themes.com

When I think of a bubble, I think of a safe haven...So short lived yet so comforting. That moment in time when everything is going so well or when you want to forget that everything is infact chaotic. Life in itself a bubble that contains many other bubbles of your life in the form of cherished moments. A bubble usually reflects and encompasses its environment with a little more colour... You know, how things should be in the first place. Unfortunately, there is no everlasting bubble. In Nelly Furtado's dilemma, I ask. Why do all good things come to an end? We are then faced with the most determining options...To bask in that bubble, take in the ever fresh whiff, saving every moment that can never be duplicated,consciously oblivious of the fleeting pleasure or to find yourself painfully counting down till the pressure around tears down the walls of your fortress. The choice is really yours. I hear you asking..."What will you choose?'
I'll choose life. I'll choose one supernatural moment over the regular ones. I'll choose one sweet poison over an abundance of bitter antidotes. I'll choose the warmth and the freedom in such enclosed space. I'll choose to be happy in the bubble...The joy of trying to recreate it when it is gone will be enough comfort than the pain of watching it go away, knowing I can do absolutely nothing about it.

Rest in Peace Sheyi...
Rest in Peace Dagrin...

Indiscipline: The Cankerworm Of Positive Progress.

Image from www.bpmwatch.com

Many people say I am too hard on myself but if you ask me, I'll say I haven't been hard enough. If there is one thing that I know has caused me tons of regret and sleepless nights filled with tears, indiscipline will be it. Here is an instance and infact the cause for deep reflection. I have no reason whatsoever for having not posted anything on the blog for over a week. I mean, I had a computer available, internet, topics to rant and bant about and I also had AMPLE time. Infact, I have the Blogger app on my phone which means I can as well write while I am on the bus or taking a dump but one thing I lacked in all this bountifulness was discipline.

In my words, indiscipline is the disregard for time, opportunity, truth and consequence. It is the disease that strikes your intrinsic motivation to do positive things, mostly when your mind believes there is no immediate or befitting reward. Indiscipline over time, creeps up on the super important things in  your life and most of the time, helps you make a big mess of of it.

I personally believe that indiscipline is on the board of trustees where self destruction is concerned. Did I also mention that it applauds all the harmful things in your life? If we are being honest, Indiscipline is the reason why you failed that exam. Why you went late for that life changing job interview. Why you cannot quit smoking that cigarette. Why you are engaging in unprotected casual sex. Why you are even engaging in the sex at all outside the tenets of marriage. Why you are cheating on your spouse or partner. Why that addiction has a hold on  you. Why you haven't engaged yourself faith wise.Why that business idea has still not materialized. In encapsulation, indiscipline is the thin line between wealth and poverty. You sure know that I do not mean that in just monetary terms. It can cause you physical, financial, emotional, spiritual and psychological penury.

I cannot give actual tips on how to overcome indiscipline as I am neck deep in its decadence but I know there is no better joy than the identification of a problem. One thing I intend to spend the next few weeks doing is training my mind. We need to let our mind know that although it is the powerhouse of a human being, it can still be controlled.

Place a premium on everything that needs to be done and do it as if you will get paid for it. Constantly remind yourself of the harsh consequences that await you at the end of your long vacay with indiscipline. Just maybe at the end of the day, there will be visible progress in your attitude towards situations, people and life in general. One other thing, seek spiritual guidance from whatever or whoever you believe in. I shall leave you now as I have so many things to check off my "indiscipline list".