The $5k Bae

As at this morning, the Naira against the Dollar was 240:1. A lot better than it has been in the past weeks. Matter of fact,the best it has been in almost a month.
No dear friends, I am not here to talk about the economy of our dear country Nigeria. Not because I don't care but because I honestly believe that nothing I do right now can change it. Call me the antichrist of change if you want. I.could.care.less.
I know you can sense the annoyance in my mind's voice. I am not angry at you my darling reader. I shall share my hurt with you but first, for the sake of this post, every time you see the exclamation mark "!", know I am angry. Every time you see it more than once, know I am tapping my feet in addition and I am losing my frigging mind!!!! Arrrrrrggggghhhhh....
Calm down Artemis...
Breathe...
Maybe this issue contributed to my shitty mood last night which I carried over into this morning.
You are probably like "Bitch tell us what it is already".
Hmmmm... Sooooo, yesterday, I was just scrolling through my twitter jejely. I noticed the recurrent words were "boyfriend" "allowance" '$5k". I decided to probe as usual. Only for me to stumble upon 2 tweets that dampened my spirit. One girl tweeted that her ex-boyfriend used to give her five thousand dollars every month...
Another girl said that her current bf gives her 200,000 thousand Naira every month and she doesn't know what type of boys other girls are dating.
!
!!
!!!
I could care less about the authenticity of their claims. It could be true. Let us act like it is true. Action!!!!
So there are people who give other people 5k dolls just for being an unceremonial partner?
Wait first. 5000 x 240 = 1,200,000 Naira my people of God... One! Point! Two! Million! Frigging! Naira!!!!
Monthly o, not annually. See that's my rent, a car and production of a full mixtape. For some of my bourgeois friends, this might not mean anything to you but it made my own heart bleed.
Wake up every morning, go to work to earn a hard living, come back late nights, fantasizing about dreams that finances have kept as dreams... yet there is a boy roaming about the surface of the earth giving his girlfriend $5k...

I don't even know who to feel more sorry for: those who currently have baes that are trying to make ends meet or we the baeless. I think the baeless clan should win the pity party because the ones that have struggling baes still have 1 bird in hand. We...we have no 5kdolls, no bird, no hand, no bush, no nothing!!!!!
As much as I would like this piece to crash out in anger, I guess the whole point of this is that,  different strokes for different folks... Some situations emerge that leave us steady wishing that we were in the next person's shoes...but we do not know their story... we do not know what the next person's story is. For all we know, she might be hanging upside down,bound in chains every night doing Monkey in the drunken shadow style to collect D.(that was just to make myself feel better lmao) We only know ours so it is our duty to try....I know this is hard....even for me the faux advisor....but let us try to make sure our story has a resolute end.
Baba God, if my story by any chance has a $5k page, please pick up the call.

Disclaimer: No punctuation was hurt in the making of this post.